"Excuse me, Officer. Have you ever seen a six-foot penguin?"
"No," says the policeman, "I don't think penguins are that big."
"Well, then I've just run over a nun."
Was just accosted by a couple of heavies with an iron bar who threatened to break my legs if I didn't pay my rent.
My wife takes playing Monopoly far too seriously.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on Hitler.
'It's on the far right' the librarian replies.
'Thank you, I'd also like a book on Marxist theory'
'Furthest left sir'
'and Nick Clegg?'
'Sorry sir, I don't know where that one is'
A man meets a homeless man in the street who asks him for £2
"Are you going to spend it on booze?"
"No" replies the homeless man
"Are you going to gamble it away?"
“No” says the homeless man
"Well will you come home with me?"
"Why?" says the homeless man
"So my wife can see what happens when you dont drink or gamble"
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