jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
C
Compo
Guest
Married men should forget their mistakes. There's no point in two people remembering the same thing."
George
Super Moderator
I took a watch on the Antiques Roadshow this morning.
They said, "Where did you get it from?"
"It's my grandad's" I replied, "He gave it to me a little while ago."
"Are you're selling it?" they asked.
I said, "Well, it depends on how much it's worth. If it's worth a fortune then I'll sell it. If not then I'll just get the strap fixed like he's asked me to."
They said, "Where did you get it from?"
"It's my grandad's" I replied, "He gave it to me a little while ago."
"Are you're selling it?" they asked.
I said, "Well, it depends on how much it's worth. If it's worth a fortune then I'll sell it. If not then I'll just get the strap fixed like he's asked me to."
George
Super Moderator
I was sitting on the bus behind a mother and her young son.
Her boy kept looking around and pulling faces at me and after a few minutes I said,''when I was your age my mother told me that if I pulled an ugly face and the wind changed, I'd stay that way.''
The little shi.....angel replied, ''Well,you can't say you weren't warned.''
Her boy kept looking around and pulling faces at me and after a few minutes I said,''when I was your age my mother told me that if I pulled an ugly face and the wind changed, I'd stay that way.''
The little shi.....angel replied, ''Well,you can't say you weren't warned.''
C
Compo
Guest
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they didn't like each other.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him.
They believed he practiced magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 88.
His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.
After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and I know he’s too stubborn to ask for directions."
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him.
They believed he practiced magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 88.
His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.
After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and I know he’s too stubborn to ask for directions."
J
jrt2345
Guest
I never do my homework.
I come from a 'working class' background.
I come from a 'working class' background.
J
jrt2345
Guest
Today I played Kwik Cricket. It went slowly.
J
jrt2345
Guest
Four spectators were laughing at me today whilst I was playing golf.
I gave them what fore.
I gave them what fore.