jokes bad or otherwise.

If a piglet is the offspring of a pig, then a booklet must be the offspring of a book.
 
Paddy and Mick are walking through the jungle. Paddy is carrying a telephone box on his back and Mick is carrying a huge anvil. After a while, Mick asks Paddy why he is carrying a telephone box.
"If a lion comes along," says Paddy, "I'll put the telephone box down, get inside and call for help"
"Not bad," says Mick.
Later, Paddy asks Mick why he is carrying an anvil.
"Simple," says Mick. "If a lion comes along, I'll drop the anvil and then I'll be able to run faster."
 
My mate just asked, "What's the best way to pick up a woman?"
I said, "Bend your knees and keep your back straight."
 
A farmer was having trouble thawing his cows, and hired a woman to thaw his cows. Every day she went out and thawed every single one without pay. The day after she was seen leaving the farm. His wife turned to him, and asked him : "Who was that?"
"Thora Hird" he said.
 
It was a mistake to steal a smart car.
It picked me out of the police line-up and appeared as a witness for the prosecution
 
Did you know that 86% of statistics are made up on the spot, and the other 24% are mathematically incorrect
 
The inventor of the television remote control has died at the age of 96.

Have they tried turning his batteries round and smacking him against the coffee table?
 
A British aquarium claims to have the world's first vegetarian shark.
Either that or they're playing a really good prank on Nigel the tank cleaner.
 
I saw a woman walking alone in the street last night so I stopped beside her.
I said, "Can I give you a lift home?"
"No thanks, I'd rather walk" she replied.
"Is it because I'm a stranger?" I asked.
She said, "No, it's because you're on a skateboard."
 
The police are concerned about the increase of 'drug-driving'.
So they should be!
Last night I was almost run down by a car being driven by two paracetamol.
 
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