jokes bad or otherwise.

A man went to his lawyer and asked about drawing up a will.
Lawyer said "No problem, leave it all to me!"

The man said "I know you need a percentage ,but leave something for my wife and kids!:eek::unsure:
 
A woman was showing her diamond ring to her friends. "See this ring " she said. "The diamond is the Harrison diamond , it comes with a terrible curse!"
"What's that ?" said her friends

"Mr Harrison !" she replied :oops::08:
 
I was watching a marathon race. I saw one runner in a chicken costume and another dressed as an egg.
I thought , ......this could be interesting! :08:
 
There came a ring ring on my phone , the screen said caller unknown,

I hung up the line , my utilities are fine and I don't need more texts or a loan!!:31:
 
Joe went to see the doctor, "Doctor do you think I can live another 50 years?? " Doctor said " do you drink, smoke, chase loose women or drive fast cars??"
Joe said "certainly not!!"
The doctor said "Why would you want to live another 50 years then??" :08: :rolleyes:
 
Jimmy from Glasgow visits his cousin Fergus in Ireland and they go for a spot of fishing . Well Jimmy has been at it for hours and not had a sniff of a fish . Fergus has caught loads and asks Jimmy what he's using for bait . "Worms" is the reply . " Well wind you line in a pass me the worm" which Jimmy duly does . Fergus takes out a flask of potcheen and dips the worm in . Jimmy then cast the line and as soon as the worm hits the water the line starts screaming and the rod is bent double .

"You got a bite now then Jimmy" . Jimmy replies " Ach no the worm has just got a Salmon by the throat and is singing Danny Boy"
 
Modern Registrars................

I went to register our new baby, I said "we'd like to call her Sarah!"
The registrar said .........."Sorry but Sarah is already taken, you might like Sarah1625 or Sarah-baby-17?" :eek:
 
I saw a policeman in the street yesterday. I thought ,that's a cop-out if ever there was one! :roflmao:
 
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