jokes bad or otherwise.

[dick]

Doctor Doctor ... "I feel like a bucket!"........................"Well you do look rather pale !"

 

[dick]

I used to be a member of a secret cooking club .................................They fired me for spilling the beans !

 

[dick]

Doctor doctor I think I'm a kite ! Don't worry I'll bring you down to earth later !

 

[dick]

I thought I was addicted to placebos......................It was all in my mind.

 

[dick]

What do you call a man and woman fishing together ??.......................Rod and Annette!

 

[dick]

What do you get if you cross a sculptor and a werewolf ??.................Hairy Potter !

 

[dick]

I'm writing a book about WD40 .............................It's non-friction!

 

[dick]

How many skunks would it take to create a stink ?......................Just a phew !

 

[dick]

I thanked a Frenchman to death ! ..............It was a Merci killing !

 

[dick]

Do undertakers talk in a grave manner ??

 

[dick]

How do you become a professor ?? By degrees !

 

[dick]

What do you call a snake that builds aeroplanes ?.....................A Boeing constructor !

 

[dick]

What happens if you get a Gigabyte ??.............................It Megahertz!

 

[dick]

Who was the Roman queen of the gods ? asked the teacher. "Juno ! " replied little Jimmy
"Yes I know " said the teacher "but I'm asking you !"

 

[dick]

Cookery teacher............Most accidents happen at home in the kitchen!
Hen pecked husband.............................I usually have to eat them !

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Two couples are having dinner , the two ladies retire to the kitchen to prepare dessert and the two gentlemen retire to the lounge . One turns to the other and says "I think it is so refreshing that you call your wife with different terms of endearment like Sugar Pie , Honeybun and Sweet Pea " . " Well to be honest" the other replies " I forgot her name about 4 years ago!"

 

[barmpot]

Memo to dog:

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm and disrespect.

 

[barmpot]

Another memo to dog:

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's rear end, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I cannot stress this enough!

 

[barmpot]

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak!