George Super Moderator Jun 2, 2011 #901 I was jogging on the train tracks today, thinking to myself, 'why does no one else do this?' Then it hit me.
I was jogging on the train tracks today, thinking to myself, 'why does no one else do this?' Then it hit me.
George Super Moderator Jun 3, 2011 #902 How do you get two whales in a car? Across the Severn Bridge.
George Super Moderator Jun 4, 2011 #904 The girl at the RyanAir check-in desk said, "Window or aisle?" I replied, "Window or you'll what?"
George Super Moderator Jun 5, 2011 #905 When my grandfather died, we didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. Which is really ironic, because he drowned in a bowl of Cheerios.
When my grandfather died, we didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. Which is really ironic, because he drowned in a bowl of Cheerios.
George Super Moderator Jun 5, 2011 #906 It's amazing, scream in a library and everyone just looks at you like you're a wierdo, however, scream on a plane and everyone joins in.
It's amazing, scream in a library and everyone just looks at you like you're a wierdo, however, scream on a plane and everyone joins in.
George Super Moderator Jun 8, 2011 #908 My memory is so bad, I'd forget my screws if my head wasn't attached to them...
George Super Moderator Jun 8, 2011 #909 Went into the Opticians and told him that I could see 9 years into the future. He examined my eyes and nodded in agreement. "You've got 2020 vision"
Went into the Opticians and told him that I could see 9 years into the future. He examined my eyes and nodded in agreement. "You've got 2020 vision"
George Super Moderator Jun 9, 2011 #910 I walked into a library and asked, “Do you have a book on drugs?” The lady said, “Yes, it's wandering around aisle three talking to itself.”
I walked into a library and asked, “Do you have a book on drugs?” The lady said, “Yes, it's wandering around aisle three talking to itself.”
George Super Moderator Jun 9, 2011 #911 A mate of mine has just told me he's two-timing on his girlfriend with her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
A mate of mine has just told me he's two-timing on his girlfriend with her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
George Super Moderator Jun 10, 2011 #912 I got sacked from my job on the waltzers today. I'm going to sue them for funfair dismissal.
George Super Moderator Jun 10, 2011 #913 My mate said he'd swap all his novels for a root vegetable ........ That was a turnip for the books .
My mate said he'd swap all his novels for a root vegetable ........ That was a turnip for the books .
George Super Moderator Jun 10, 2011 #914 My wife asked if I could make some home improvements while she was at work. So I changed the locks.
George Super Moderator Jun 11, 2011 #915 I eventually caught up with the woman who stole all my new material. I was too late, she'd already made two sets of curtains and a pillow case.
I eventually caught up with the woman who stole all my new material. I was too late, she'd already made two sets of curtains and a pillow case.
George Super Moderator Jun 11, 2011 #916 A street magician asked me to think of a number between 1 and 3, but it was only noon so I told him I would be back in an hour.
A street magician asked me to think of a number between 1 and 3, but it was only noon so I told him I would be back in an hour.
George Super Moderator Jun 11, 2011 #917 My wife's been reading the dictionary every night for a month. I think she's up to something.
George Super Moderator Jun 12, 2011 #919 My mate loved growing up with a dyslexic father. Whenever he swore, he'd wash his mouth out with soup.
My mate loved growing up with a dyslexic father. Whenever he swore, he'd wash his mouth out with soup.
George Super Moderator Jun 12, 2011 #920 My mate reckons due to increasing suicide rates, belts are set to be banned. Brace yourselves.
